She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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