brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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