There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
