Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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