There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
