That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
