did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
