We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
