i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't notice because vodka
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
