it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
