I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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