from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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