..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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