i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
