he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So squirting runs in the family.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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