I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
as a side note pls kill me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
