I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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