I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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