I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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