census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize