It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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