she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
