I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
