awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
