just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
