halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
