She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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