Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
