"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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