So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
