sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
