you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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