It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
