So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
