I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
40s are totally the cure
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
