watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
