dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
