I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i think im in europe. pls send help
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
