Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
