hell yes lets make some ravioli
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
