Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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