he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
