i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
