You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
