Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
