Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
