Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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