In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
