I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
