neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
