I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
