I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize