Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
