I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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