I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
