My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
