she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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