i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
