How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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