You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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