I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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