One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
