every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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