Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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