He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just crazy horny about you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
