I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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