Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
