I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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