they need to just BURY HIM!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
