i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
