Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
